I rise this morning recalling a reocurring scene in a myriad of settings from my childhood:

My mother would prop me on a tower of large cushiony pillows placed between her legs as she combed through, parted and brushed my thick, spongy hair into a style using products that would have it laid. I would usually be pleased with the finishing product, although, while waiting, my curious hands would sneak to the top of my head to gauge progress and get an idea of what she was doing up there, but as my hands went up, hers came down to pop mine and she would say, ”stop meddling; move your hand.” Due to my impatience during this unpretty process my body would do a whole lot of squirming around and she’d say “can you be still?”. Something about the frustration in her voice always quickened me to listen and I’d stiffen up as if stillness was a challenge she proposed.

I am wondering why I knew from the last hairstyle and every one beforehand how she wanted me to behave, yet when it came time for a new hairdo, I would behave opposite of what she so desired all the way up until she became frustrated. It’s as if I wanted her to challenge me with stillness?

If I could just be still, know that I would be pleased and allowed her to style my hair in peace, we would complete the process sooner and I could joyfully rise to the mirror to inspect her work and be merry with my colorful barrettes swangin’.

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It didn’t matter if I was 3 or 12, a young lady has got to get her hair did. During that 9 year period, I was well aware that my mommy needed me to be still to make my hair look pretty. She always asked me how I wanted it and I always told her and it always came out looking how I wanted. When I listened – I knew that I could count on that. On the other hand, when I struggled to keep my hand away from her work and became antsy, she became flustered, her grip tightened and the road to completion was rocky. But when I sat still and let her do what she do…we were both happy.

That memory makes me wonder: am I putting my hand where it doesn’t belong?

I have personal power and control over  s o m e  things, but not everything is for me to meddle with, even if it’s concerning me. There is a higher figure and higher power who is well trained and qualified for the position and has got it covered. #Trust

Taking this idea “inside” a little bit, I replace the word “hand” with “mind”.

I have found that there is a large percentage of mind I spend pondering over things I cannot change often bringing worry to mind, affecting my emotions which plays a role in decision-making and has poorly influenced the outcome of situations/circumstances. Nonetheless, when I stay in my mental lane, the result is a preferred one.

For instance: Perhaps, I am eager to get a promotion at work.

True story –

A position opened up in my department at the hospital that required multiple years of experience, knowledge of medical terminology and all of this stuff that I did not have. In addition to that, I was the youngest, newest employee on the team with that job as the first of its kind on my resume.

Still, I wanted that promotion . .

I could have spent my mind on how “they” haven’t acknowledged the work that I do and “they” always choose someone with seniority or a different color skin, but let me ask me: what’s the return on that mental transaction?  If my thoughts are not working for me, they are working against me and will lead to a negative balance. If not in my pockets, in my mind and in my emotions.

Instead, I focused on the difference I know I make as an employee (#facts) and implemented a plan of action.

Naturally, I was hard working, efficient, responsible, accountable and knowledgeable of my current position, actively engaging in meetings, discussions and sharing insight on areas of improvement so when the time came, I would be thought of as a leading employee amongst others. I enrolled into a medical terminology course. I spoke with management about my aspirations to be a key contributor to the growth and success of our department/organization early on as I wanted to turn my job into a well-paid career. It need be noted that I wasn’t in their face “meddling” on a daily talking about “when will you make a decision on the position?” “what others applicants are you considering?” “do you think I have a chance?” “are you seriously considering me?”

I simply responded to what was within my authority by working at level that my contribution and value could not be ignored – regardless.

I can’t get myself the promotion that is another’s authority to give, but I can put myself in the position to receive one.

What’s the return on that mental transaction? Well, I got the promotion – and a couple thereafter, with ease.

I do what I can and sit still on what I can’t to let the Expert/One in Authority handle it. There are some lanes my mind shouldn’t drive in and some things my hands are not trained to do.

My hair, that was for my mother to manage, at that time. Now, I’ve promoted to a position in which I do my own hair. Still, there has a been and are a number of other things I am conditioning for.

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Can you be still?

Today I asked my mother why she kept me looking good, and in a honeyed-assured voice she pretty much replied, “You represent me.”

Puts me in mind of God asking, “Can you be still?” It is when I listen that I realize it is not only about me as I am a representative of Our Creator, therefore, I must trust and believe that He’s going to do me right. Because, once again, I AM a representative of Him. 

31 days of May was much like that: introspective and self-reflective in the stillness. The energy of May called that so much so for me when I checked for progress and became squeamish, I could instantly feel my emotional odometer increase to high levels fostering doses of anxiety. My emotions indicated a need to be still. In the stillness I found an abundance of sacred, secure stability, acceptance and a Knowing even when the mind voiced differently. And ooooohhhweeee .. it was an arduous month inspecting the house that I have cleaned, but after looking around at all I see in sight and in spirit, I feel enriched and more in my personal power than ever before.   

It is my greatest hope that we come to an understanding that God has our best interest in mind. Even when faced with undesirable circumstances, know that His Love did not switch up on you; He is still the same, still working out things in the unseen to provide your needs. Always remember that. Perhaps though, it isn’t you struggling with trusting God but know someone who is,  p l e a s e  encourage them by shining your light on the way. And if this is you, identify where you are interfering with the process either internally or externally? Ask yourself, Am I extending a never ending, unconditional trust to the Lord during my process from pretty, unpretty, to pretty? There is no need to interfere by placing our hand and mind where there is no place for it. In those times, we know what’s expected and required of us… Reflect, listen, be still… the sooner we learn this, the sooner we can rise to the Mirror with anticipation of overwhelm when we see His work.

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Updates/What to expect from me

♥ 31 days in May whispered more insight on how Joy N Mee will share messages. I created the site for creative self-expression and a sort of “watch” in my evolution. When a time comes around that you have not heard from me as frequently, know that I am a sort of introvert and may have entered into Hermit mode for regeneration –  I am honoring my need to take my eyes inward.

♥ June is here and I intend to share some of what I have gathered throughout this month and July. Each piece published is thematic of Truth in Mirrors and Self-Reflection; some poetry written just a few nights ago while the one I am publishing first was written about five years ago, during a period of initiating my journey of self love, discovery and expanding my partnership with Our Creator. I will include a preface/excerpt to accompany each piece. I understand my writing can be abstract and may seem difficult to pin point my exact message, so please feel free to leave comments asking for clarification so we can talk about it. I would greatly enjoy that.

♥ I am officially enrolled into my Bachelor’s Program and have began that journey this month. Time management will be in effect as I enter the groove of studying in an academic society. I’ve been studying my journey of Life so I am anticipating that this should be no biggie, right? I will be still and follow one course until successful. I’m mending self-love with self-discipline to see the manifestations of my efforts.

Please — if you have any original tips for studying, share them ;)–

Thank you so much for taking the time to tune in and staying connected to the Joy N Mee.

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-Tahirih